


Loneliness

by Tsukino_Akume



Series: The Backstories Verse [6]
Category: Mighty Morphin Power Rangers
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-26
Updated: 2015-04-26
Packaged: 2018-03-25 19:15:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3821716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tsukino_Akume/pseuds/Tsukino_Akume
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Moving to Aquitar was never a planned decision.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Loneliness

**Author's Note:**

> **Disclaimer/:** If it was mine, Billy wouldn’t have been ignored and said goodbye over the Viewing Globe while Tommy called him ‘Bill’ and Rocky made fish jokes.  
>  **Warnings/:** Angst  
>  **Author's Notes/:** Originally I had written this as part of the beginning to the new FtD, before the story took a turn in a very different direction. I was thinking about making it a side shot to that first, before I realized this is actually my headcanon for Billy in *any* verse. His relationship with Cestria changes depending on if I'm working on FtD or Bright Skies, but this is my version behind why Billy stayed on Aquitar, and exactly what he was doing while he was there.
> 
> Side notes: Billy's thoughts of Jason's 'situation' is a reference to my ancient unfinished story Anything for You, which will eventually(!) someday be re-written, and finally get into exactly what Billy is talking about. Also, the Aquitians using hand gestures is a combination of Starandrea influence (Because they are AMAZING, and I love their Aquitian team so much. ♥ ♥ ♥), and headcanon after watching the Alien Rangers episodes.

Aquitar was a planet of great beauty, and contrary to what many of his friends may have believed, Billy truly did enjoy himself there. His time with the Aquitian Rangers had mostly eradicated the remains of his fish phobia, and his wanderings about the planet had given him a greater appreciation and personal harmony with water in general. Homesickness still hit him hard, and often, but he wasn't unhappy. Quite the opposite; Aquitar had opened up a universe of opportunities for him he never would have known otherwise.

He'd been lost on Earth, even if he hadn't admitted it to his friends. When he had taken the time to think about it, he'd realized he'd lost part of himself the day Jason, Zack, and Trini left. Then another part when Kim left, and another at the realization that while Tommy was still like a brother to him, he wasn't the Tommy he'd known anymore. Somewhere between the White Ranger and Red Zeo Powers, Tommy had changed. And while he buried the thought so deeply he could keep pretending it wasn't true, and while it deeply hurt him to even think it ... Billy wasn't so sure he liked the person his friend was beginning to become. 

His early graduation had left him unsettled and falling into what felt like a rapidly downshifting spiral. He simply hadn't known what to do with himself anymore: his friends were saving the world, following their dreams, going places and *doing* things. He couldn't make plans for the future beyond passing thoughts of his newest project and his obsessive need to monitor the Power Chamber. Obsessive, because at least when he was in the Power Chamber he could *do* something. 

And being in the Power Chamber forcibly reminded them all that he was still *there*. 

They weren't doing it on purpose. He knew that. But it seemed without going to school and being Rangers together to keep them in a group, they had nothing in common. And while he tried to make the effort to be around them, they didn't seem to see the need to reciprocate. 

He'd told himself repeatedly that he wasn't being fair. He, more than *anyone*, knew how exhausting it could be to balance Rangering, school, friends and family, and basic hobbies that gave them enough of a semblance of normal life to hide from the public what they did in their spare time. If they appeared to be model students, people were more likely to deem them to be trustworthy and leave their mysterious actions unquestioned when such things simply couldn't be avoided. And they *needed* that normalcy to keep them from focusing on the lives they couldn't save, the destruction they couldn't prevent. Because there was only so much six people could do. 

He did understand. But understanding couldn't help the loneliness that came over him when the others were at school, or off at some event they'd forgotten to invite him to. There was Alpha and Zordon of course, and he saw Jason frequently due to his ... situation, but it wasn't enough. Alpha barely understood human interaction. He thought of Zordon as too much of a father figure to ever socialize with him on the same level as he would with his friends. And Jason - understandably of course, more than understandably - had enough to deal with. The last thing he would have needed was his friend whining at him that he was lonely. 

He knew, again, that Jason wouldn't have minded at all - would in fact be incredibly hurt if he ever knew that Billy *had* needed him and hadn't said anything, but that didn't change the fact that he had other things to focus on at the time. 

And Tommy ... well, he wasn't so sure if Tommy would even take the time to listen long enough to hear him say it these days. 

The illness that had lead him to Aquitar was a blessing in disguise. The planet was like nothing he'd ever imagined, and whether it had been the treatments from the Sacred Falls or the atmosphere of the planet itself, it had almost felt like coming home. He'd found a great portion of the inner peace he'd lost so long ago, and he was reluctant to give it up. After all, what did he have to go back to? An empty Power Chamber and dozens of useless projects? 

That was when he met Cestria. 

She had found him brooding at one of the healing pools one day, trying to decide what he should do now. He didn't *want* to go home, but he couldn't bring himself to ask the Aquitian Rangers to allow him to stay. They'd been more than kind, helping him as they had, and the last thing he could do to repay them was force them to tolerate his presence just because he was ... 

"Billy?" 

He looked up, startled from his memories and back into the present. 

Cestria gave him a gentle, loving smile. "You appear lost in thought. Should I be concerned?" 

He chuckled in spite of himself. Cestria often teased him that he had a tendency to brood. He would argue that he was lost in thought, which wasn't the same thing, but she countered that with him, his mind often darkened when left alone for too long. It had become a continuing argument between them. 

"I was recalling how we met," he admitted. 

Her smile softened. "Then I must offer my apologies. I had assumed you to be reviewing today's meeting." 

He made a face despite himself. It wasn't something he did often these days - considering what he did for a living - but around Cestria and the Rangers there was no need to hide his thoughts. She laughed softly at his expression, touching his arm lightly and inclining her head. "Then I shall leave you to your memories. I myself have hungry fish to feed." 

"Do you require assistance?" he offered immediately. Feeding the holy creatures of the sacred pools was an exhausting task for one person to accomplish alone. 

She shook her head, still smiling as her hand retreated. "You, my friend, are to return to your quarters," she reminded him pointedly. "Delphine has already informed me of your restriction from duty until you have rested for at least eight cycles." 

He sighed irritably. "I assure you, I am - " 

"Billy," she interrupted gently. "Your body is in need of sleep. The Rangers will inform you of any new developments, and I have assistants to help me with my own duties. Now please, go. Before our Delphine is forced to take up your health as her own personal quest once again." 

"I'm going, I'm going!" he protested laughingly, shaking his head despite his irritation. "Peace be with you," he added, giving her the Aquitian gesture of 'farewell'. 

She smiled as she returned it. "Peace be with you and in your dreams, my friend." 

He watched her walk away, reflecting thoughtfully on her words. 'Peace be with you' was an Aquitian phrase that was similar to 'have a good day' as Earthians would say, only on a more intimate level. It was a wish for the other person's problems to be resolved as well as their thoughts, and he found it to be far more soothing than a simple goodbye. It wasn't a requirement that he use it, being that it was well-known what his planet of origin was, but he liked the wording enough to use it often, even in his work. It didn't always help his situation to use an Aquitian blessing when he was clearly not Aquitian, but he often found that sort of mild prejudice even in a supposedly 'pure' organization such as the Allied Powers of Good. 

Earthians, he realized abruptly. He'd thought of them as Earthians again. He owed Aurico three scales. Working as a delegate *was* corrupting his speech patterns. 

It was Cestria who had slowly, carefully pried his loss of purpose from him. She was the one who suggested the opportunities open for him that he'd never even considered. She listened, gave advice, and slowly, gently, made him into her friend. His *best* friend. 

Earth, it seemed, was a sheltered planet. The only inhabited planet in a galaxy practically on the edge of the universe, its people were only just developing awareness of the existence of life on other worlds. They had no interaction with APG, had barely achieved space travel capability, and in many ways, were still developing their society. There was truly a wealth of possibilities virtually just beyond his doorstep; he only had to take the chance. 

Part of what kept Earth so sheltered was Aquitar, both at Zordon's personal request and the decision of its own Rangers, who had wished to continue to support their Earthian allies as best they could from their own planet. For years now, they had been acting as Earth's political representative in the APG so that Earth's Rangers could remain focus on what they did best: protecting their home. But with Billy, a resident of Earth and former Ranger, on Aquitar, he would be immediately welcomed into the Intergalactic Diplomatic Council as Earth's new representative. 

As a former Ranger, his knowledge and experience were also highly valued. His memories of his battles against Rita Repulsa, Lord Zedd, and the Machine Empire, even the mere fact that he had served under Zordon of Eltar, would make him eagerly welcomed at any Ranger Collegiate as a teacher or technician. One such place had presented him the chance to join their school board, while another had even offered to have him preside over its school entirely. 

He still wasn't entirely certain as to why; Rita and Zedd had become rather incompetent as time wore on, and while the Machine Empire had initially been difficult, even they hadn't proved to be the challenge Zordon had warned they would be. 

The fields of science and technology were highly valued in space, as well. What he'd once considered a casual hobby, something he enjoyed simply because it gave his mind something to do and new puzzles to solve, had given him the ability to examine and adapt to new technology on a level that Cestro had once proclaimed 'astounding'. His aptitude had not only given him a chance to assist the Aquitian Rangers in thanks for all that they had done for him, but earned him several offers to join various science establishments. 

It had almost been too many decisions at first. He'd taken the time to think about it as Cestria had suggested, only to make the mistake of commenting offhandedly to Cestro about his inability to take on the Gold Ranger Powers. He'd mentioned that it frustrated him that despite the excuse he'd given the Rangers to prevent their questions, he honestly hadn't known what prevented him from being able to accept the Gold Power. He'd felt it reaching out for him, testing, only to recoil the moment his hand closed around the staff. It ... hurt, being rejected by the Power like that. Emotions aside, he was certain there had to be *some* sort of reason behind it. Cestro had immediately been curious as well, and offered his assistance in researching potential explanations. And even though it didn't matter now, Billy found he still wanted to know. To understand why. 

In the end, he decided that at the very least, spending time on Aquitar would expand his horizons and give him an idea of what it was he truly wanted to do. Cestria had offered to be his excuse to keep his friends from trying to fight his decision, and while he'd initially hesitated, in the end he accepted. Ultimately, his friends had accepted his decision without question, merely wishing him well with his new 'girlfriend'. 

He told himself their lack of protest didn't hurt. 

In the years since then, he'd chosen to take on the position as APG delegate for Earth in the Council. Politics was hardly something he'd ever imagined himself doing, but he'd come to find he was rather good at it. Delphine had advised him to think of it as a battle of wits, and to see beyond what was being said on the surface to understand the true intentions of his fellow delegates. He found himself surprisingly drawn into the psychology and drama of it all, in learning to fight with words rather than fists or patchwork technology. For the first time, he finally understood what had drawn Jason, Zack, and Trini into leaving for the Peace Conference. It wasn't the thrill that being a Ranger had been, but then, it wasn't the constant level of fear that it had been, either. 

Life on Aquitar was peaceful. He had an insight to the Aquitian Rangers he had never expected, knowing them as *friends* rather than simply allies. Cestria had become very dear to him, pushing at him to take care of himself, prodding him to talk in her gentle way. Working in the Council was fascinating, and while his research on the Gold Powers had been thus far inconclusive, it was still terribly fascinating, and had taught him many things about the Power he had not understood previously. 

That wasn't to say that he didn't find himself homesick at times. Aquitar *was* beautiful, and he had come to love the view of looking up from the bottom of the ocean. But he missed the sky. The sound of birds, the feeling of grass beneath his feet. The feeling of warm wind on his face. Laying on his back, cloud watching with his friends. 

His friends. He missed them so much that at times it almost felt like a physical pain. He wasn't lonely exactly - Cestria and the Aquitian Rangers constantly went out of their way to include him and make him feel welcome. But it wasn't right, being so far away from them. Suddenly Switzerland and Florida didn't seem so far away, and Tommy's emotional distancing didn't matter as much anymore. 

But for better or worse, he'd made his decision. 

His priorities had changed with the discovery of Zordon's capture by Dark Spectre, needless to say. He'd leapt headlong into the search, pushing aside his personal projects as he put all his efforts into finding his mentor. He only attended the absolute minimum of diplomatic meetings the Council required, completely ignoring the usual social gatherings that most considered obligatory. He couldn't bring himself to care about dancing and mind games: he had more important things to worry about. 

The Aquitian Rangers had been nothing but supportive of his quest. Cestro was often at his side, helping him to scan for traces of his mentor. Delphine and Corcus covered for him at the functions he avoided. Aurico tapped various sources of his own for information, seeing as he still wasn't allowed near the computer systems after his last 'incident'. Tideus monitored his health, often notifying Delphine when he'd been working for too long a time - such as now - and tried to keep everyone's spirits up as best he could. Even Cestria took the time to pray for their success and Zordon's safety during her daily meditations. They all knew that as one of Zordon's Rangers, Zordon's safety would be the first and only thing on his mind until Zordon was found and brought home. 

Unfortunately, *finding* Zordon wasn't as simple a task as he'd hoped it would be. While they *had* found traces of his presence, it seemed he was constantly being relocated, changing captors at what seemed to be a whim. It wasn't, of that Billy was certain, but that didn't make the patterns any less random. And it didn't bring Zordon back to them. 

But he *would* find Zordon. He had to. 

After everything, even the way it all had ended, he owed him that much.


End file.
